New Kind of Training

Although it's "off" season for training for any races, there is some new training happening. Training of the mind :) Just a few days ago, I realized something very important about myself, and it took me, well, all my life up to this point to figure it out...

I have had several moments where I'd feel upset or even mad, even though I knew there wasn't any reason to feel this way. I'm pretty focused, I take good care of myself, I'm aware when I'm not balanced, and I do the work to get back on track, but for some reason there was always this return to "disconnect." Saturday and into Sunday was a pivotal turning point in realizing why this was happening.

The event started to unfold in front of me late Saturday night, and I removed myself from this event, because it wasn't mine. I was so proud of myself, because I felt good doing it. However, the longer I waited in the vehicle the more upset I became. I struggled with this feeling throughout the night and into the morning. Why was I upset? I did what was good for me. Why can't I be thankful for how I handled the events happening in front of me? The universe was not going to let me get to sleep until I figured this out. Sometime really late in the morning, I just stopped all the chatter in my head, and asked for guidance. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm pretty impatient. I like things to happen quickly, but I didn't rush this one. I couldn't. I wanted to sleep!

It was never anger. It was worry.

When I worry, I become upset. It was always my way of making sure nobody knew that I was capable of worry or fear or failure or whatever "inferior" element I could connect to myself. I laughed at myself at 4:00 a.m., knowing that I had just threw out the biggest piece of garbage in my backpack. I'll tell you that was a lot of baggage to pack around.

Now I know that I do that, and I can redirect my thoughts when I feel those emotions enter into my experience. I now ask myself, "What am I worrying about? Why am I worried about that? What can I focus on to remind myself that I have nothing to fear?" The journey is supposed to be beautiful, fun, and joyous. I'm training my mind to think differently, and it's been a wonderful blessing. The results are the proof that our thoughts hold so much power for how our lives unfold. My results?

• I look at the people in my life with more love than I did before. I have nothing to worry about when it comes to my husband, my children, my friends. Worry held me back in my ability to love, because it always came out as anger. They get more patience from me, freedom to be exactly the people they want to be, and the verbal "thank-yous" are filling our household at a rapid rate!
• I am more appreciative of the woman I was always meant to be. I'm learning about my spirit, my purpose, and why I'm a "human being" and NOT a "human doing." 
• I'm motivated to continue my off season training. I'm excited to think about what races await me next Spring and summer.
• I've even started losing those last few pounds that were just kind of hanging around, like my worry was doing.
• Really, I'm just happy for knowing that I can do it differently. Everyone benefits when someone is happy :)

"I" is mentioned here a lot. I wanted to share this because I think many can relate to this. We believe that it's natural to worry, but it's not. If you focus on you (the "I" in your life), sort through some of your backpack and see what you're packing on your journey, you'll find you. The fun part is that the sorting never ends, and we get to learn about ourselves more and more if we're willing to take the time to look at our stuff.

I'm thankful for the people who come into my life and help me create events and moments when I get to learn something very valuable about myself. I'm thankful that I can love at a larger capacity than I was just a week ago, and I get to keep building on that.

Good luck on whatever you're training for! It's all fun :) I've got one last little race on Thanksgiving. I'm coming for you "Turkey Trot."

Sarah (aka Mom of Four)